happy mothers day

Today is Mothers Day in Australia.

As a daughter, it is a day for letting my mum know how much she means to me, and for reminding me to treasure her the whole year through. I hope she likes her present - a hat made using this pattern by Rachel of i dream of knitting. The bone coloured wool was inherited from my mother's sister, who died in a car accident six years ago, and the blue soy/cotton was left over from a dress that I made for her youngest granddaughter.


As a mother, it is a day to appreciate my children and give myself a day off. I love the fact that within Olive's playgroup, every single one of us mums has bought our own Mothers Day present. My gift to myself is this gorgeous print by Tollipop.

I am in love with this painting, which has helped me to do so much more than just make the house look pretty. Immediately after Aggie was born (six weeks ago already!), I became haunted by the number three. I have three children, three daughters, but only two of them are living. Having a new baby is a stark reminder of all that I missed out on when Millie died, and yet there is so little in the material world to reflect her huge presence in my heart. So this simple painting has helped me enormously, serving as a visible and permanent acknowledgement that we have three girls. Later today, we will take some flowers to the cemetery and my family will be together for the first time.

nesting tree

So here it is: The first thing I have made to give to the new baby.

I used this pattern from Knitty but changed the colours and pocket design to make it less girly and more forest kawaii.

I have started nesting in proper, getting up in the middle of the night to craft.
I have another reason for crafting like crazy too - it keeps my mind off the fact that I've hit the scary 30-week mark of the pregnancy. There is a peak danger period for stillbirth between 30 and 34 weeks and Millie died at 33 weeks. There is no particular reason why it would happen to us again but then again, there is no reason why it wouldn't. Please be okay, baby.

TGIF - thank god it's finished!

You may remember that quite some time ago, I vowed to get serious about my UFOs. They had spilled out of the "finishing" box and onto my desk and the floor, where they had taken up permanent residence.

This was one of the worst: a knitted sampler blanket that I started after Millie (my first baby) died to provide myself with a distraction on the train to work each day instead of crying the whole way. It did prove to be good therapy for me, I used up most of my leftover yarns and I learnt lots of new stitches along the way but

I ran out of enthusiasm when it came to sewing all of the samples together, which instead spent close to two years in a pile on the living room floor.


Until now!



I am so happy to have it finished.

this is ... what makes me laugh out loud [difficult version]

A tricky topic for me. Because after daughter Millie died, I cried every day for more than a year. I kept a sense of humour, but it was a very dark, wry humour, and probably more than a little bit morbid. Which is where Curb Your Enthusiasm comes in.

In addition to finding him extremely funny, I appreciate the fact that Larry David is not afraid to broach the topic of death. Because, strange as it may seem, people don't generally want to talk about dead babies. And before you get scared away too, let me reassure you that I am heading to a better place. You see, after Olive was born I concentrated very hard on being CALM and CONTENTED. And most of the time I managed. But then I found Elsa Mora's blog and I was totally blown away by how much she FEELS. And I realised that her enthusiasm and excitement is only possible because she also allows herself to acknowledge those things in her life that are difficult or make her sad. So I let myself feel again. I cried for a week, then I got angry, and finally I am starting to feel a little more human. I am even excited(!!!) - and about tapestry, of all things :)
Thank you, Elsita.

new life

I was out in the back yard this afternoon photographing our Magnolia Little Gem with its new flowers. We planted the tree two and a bit years ago as part of the funeral for my first daughter, Millie (Millicent), who was stillborn. She just suddenly stopped moving a 33 weeks gestation - we don't know why.



While I was taking my photographs I noticed a movement out of the corner of my eye and guess what? We've got kittens!!! Pretty good for a family that doesn't even have a cat. They are very shy but I have spied five so far - four white and one black, all with orange splotches. So cute!



The funny thing is, Millie was due around Australia Day. And the first Australia Day weekend after she died, a stray rooster wandered into our yard and decided to stay. My partner thought it was a sign of new life for us, so the rooster is still with us, now with a fully enclosed coop, house and even three hens! Here's hoping that we get to keep the kittens too!